Assignment: Substantive editing pass (edits)

Here is the assignment with only substantive edit revisions shown (all proofing and prior copyedit changes have already been made). Hold your mouse over shaded areas to see comments explaining the purpose of each change and query.

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GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARSSUGGESTION: To support this analogy, expand on the meaning of this title early in text--such as in a new first paragraph. See one suggestion for a new intro.:  Break headline into two lines for better readability.
ALAN GREENSPAN, SEPTEMBER 11, THE HIGH-Add "HIGH-" for greater specificity and accuracy.TECH MELTDOWN, AND ENRON

PictureSUGGESTION: The title analogy was so fun and apt that here I suggest a new first paragraph to explicate the theme. It may strike you as over the top, but on the other hand the new text does help explain the oblique references to Greenspan and the three major events in the title. Alan Greenspan taking his morning stroll to the office, and stopping on the way to peer into that big old house on Wall Street. Don’t those three porridge bowls sitting on the table belong to the three bears: the World Trade Towers, the high-tech meltdown, and Enron?

Greenspan may seem fairly calm,SUGGESTION: Add wording to tie article title to body. Alternative: You could remove mention of Greenspan from title, and remove my suggested setup paragraph. but the market and investorsSUGGESTION: Move this sentence up from final paragraph to become the second paragraph on its own, because it contributes a clear and solid intro. are responding with frayed nervesSUGGESTION: Move this phrase closer to its object ("investors") to eliminate need to repeat "investor" later in this long, complex sentence. to three very negative and somewhat unrelated SUGGESTION: Delete "and somewhat unrelated" because not relevant to this that have frayed investors' nerves in rapid successionSUGGESTION: Add "in rapid succession" because relevant to this paragraph.: the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, the most severe bear market for technology stocks ever, and now Enron’s spectacularSUGGESTION: Add "spectacular" to add color implosion.

The Enron situation has everyone concerned about the lack of financial controls in place at companiesQUERY: In place where? Is my guess "at companies" the correct addition? Greater specificity here gives more clarity of meaning., and whether there will be other Enron-related accounting disasters. Certainly earnings quality is a concern for investors. , and tSUGGESTION: Break into two sentences because second half of original sentence doesn't flow directly from first half – it is a separate thought.The Enron fiasco has only heightened investor sensitivity at a time when the market is already struggling with valuation issues. TSI believes that over the short term, the market will indeed SUGGESTION: Add "indeed" to mark author's agreement with implied question ('What will happen in the market?').continue to decline. , bSUGGESTION: Break into two sentences because original sentence contained more thoughts than could be easily digested at once.But eventually the market will snap back because the market is overreacting to the Enron debacleSUGGESTION: Add "the…debacle" to be more specific (and secondarily to add color)..

No question—Enron was a horrible catastropheSUGGESTION: Move this sentence up from end of paragraph to become a stronger intro. In its original position it didn't flow logically from previous sentences. that will impact the lives of many people for many SUGGESTION: Delete "many" because redundant, with presence of "years to come" and prior use of "many" in the sentence.years to come. YetSUGGESTION: Add this sentence to link the new intro sentence to rest of paragraph. it presented a unique situation, for two reasonsQUERY: Please confirm that the next two sentences do outline two distinct reasons. I have made suggestions in next two comments to help clarify and expand.. First, Enron was a concept company, not a product company, and there <expand?QUERY: To help readers understand what a "concept company" is, please add more here about what this type of company is, or is not.>. Further, there are few if any other companies with an Enron type of balance sheetQUERY: Please summarize what characterizes this unique "Enron type of balance sheet.". ThusSUGGESTION: Add "Thus" to underscore that this is the outcome of the two reasons. iIt is unlikely that other Enron-related companiesQUERY: Do you mean 'companies similar to Enron' here? will emerge that fit this rare profileSUGGESTION: Add "that fit…" to add context that clarifies and supports the assertion about the unlikelihood that similar companies will emerge.. No question—Enron was a horrible catastrophe that will impact the lives of many people for many years to come.

The market and investors are responding to three very negative and somewhat unrelated events that have frayed investors' nerves: the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, the most severe bear market for technology stocks ever, and now Enron’s implosion. Over time, TSI believes that the market can will SUGGESTION: Change "can repair" to future tense "will repair" as the stronger statement, assuming you believe that the market will succeed in repairing this the damage from these events, and overcomingSUGGESTION: Change to "overcoming" to show causality rather than just a concurrent action.e current short-term uneasiness. The recession will end, investors will return to the marketSUGGESTION: Delete "to the market" because not needed – the meaning is clear without it., and hopefully our world is becoming a safer place for our children as the United States and other countries focus on curtailing terrorism.